Dear Future Love of My Life,
I know, this should have gone out to you sooner.
But I've got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But trust me, I exist - I am working towards you as well.
Know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four leaf clovers, I’m close by.
I’m around the corner, down the street, on social media, on your Instagram feed if you scroll down a little more, just walking pass your office building, at the local coffee shop where you go for your morning kopi (coffee), a complete stranger.
The stars may have tried to let us meet, but maybe not hard enough.
We've made eye contact, once on the subway.
We've seen each other across the room at a party.
We've missed a swipe right on Tinder, because we were so tired from a long day, we weren't looking deep enough.
We've stood behind, queuing at Starbucks
Or maybe not. Maybe it’s not our time yet.
And as much as you’re wondering why, I'm here behind this screen, typing, and wondering too.
It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, go on blind dates, endure bad sex(s), settle for toxic relationships, felt misunderstood, cried from loneliness, wrapping your arms around a pillow, alone as you fall asleep at night.
I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation.
It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself much less to you.
It might just be my fault, for reasons, in no particular order:
1. I haven’t figured out the list of things I think you should be.
2. I’m with the wrong person right now.
3. I’m not ready to be loved unconditionally. I don't know if I deserve it.
4. Since my life isn’t together, my fear of rejection is bigger than myself.
5. I still believe in "playing hard to get".
6. I’ve been intentionally, keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.
7. I don't know what I do and don’t like in a partner.
8. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.
9. I’m too focused on my own needs.
10. I don’t know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.
Clearly, I’m not my best self yet. I’m still figuring out who I am.
I’m pretty sure even if we've met, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without letting myself break down my walls for you. Or maybe I got your number and never called because... I have no idea why.
Be patient with me, darling.
Know that I’m finding my way to you.
So don’t spend waste any more time thinking about where I am or if I exist.
Just keep making your life exciting and so importantly, love ourselves.
So when we finally meet each other, we can start loving each other fully, because we already love ourselves.
Don’t give up on me.
And I’m not going anywhere, but I'm picking myself up, as I walk to you.
**Please be gay.
Your future Soulmate